A Goal to Work From

1/29/16 

At the Dr's

I had a Dr's appointment this morning and I had to step on a scale to see my weight. I haven't done that in over 6 months so I had no idea what numbers I would be seeing. As I stood there staring at the number, praying for it to go down somehow, I was left wondering why I was so big. When I was younger, I made a promise to myself that I would never go above 200. Promise broken.

Mixed Feelings

I decided today that the scale will be a positive thing and show me that my hard work is paying off. I will go ahead and buy a scale and I will keep track on a weekly basis vs every day. I will set my goal small and achievable!

Yoga for Mom and Baby

Coral led us through a routine of mommy and baby yoga today and I really enjoyed myself. I have decided to stop hating yoga because it is a great way to stay limber and I am tired of not wanting to do yoga. Those in the class always hear me grumbling about how I am not into yoga or how I hate it and I guess here in the blog I can just say why.

The Not Surprising Answer

When I do yoga, I am forced to pay attention to my body and how out of shape and fat I have gotten. For the same reason that I do no look into mirrors on a regular basis, I do not like doing yoga because it forces me to really pay attention to all my lumps and bulges.

A Small Goal

I decided that I will be attempting to lose 5 pounds to start off with and I will give myself until the end of February.

A Bigger Goal

I will be attempting to lose 11 pounds total and to make my gut smaller. This has no time limit because I do not want to be rushed and not make progress.

A Side Note

The nurse in the office did tell me that my method of birth control has been known to put weight on some women. I am not going to be using this as an excuse until I have actually worked my ass off and can't lose any weight. No more excuses!!!

Starting weight: 210
End Goal: 199

Working Harder

1/28/16

Question of the day: What small change would you make in your life to have a healthier life style?
Answer: I would have to say, concentrating on small goals vs stressing over the big plan.

Starting things off

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their very kind words and support that they have offered to me after my previous post. To know that I have the support of so many people is such a wonderful thing and it goes a long way in helping me stay a bit more positive.

Hard to stay Positive 

I noticed after a while, I was trying too hard to keep my posts positive and it became a struggle. Instead of venting out my thoughts, I felt bad for writing anything negative and as a result, my blog slowed to a stop. While writing the other day, I had a release of emotion that really helped me focus on becoming a better me. Am I still having bad moments? Oh yeah and nothing is going to change that besides time and my attitude about things but I am going to just focus on one day at a time.

Improvements Already?

Yesterday's workout class was a great one for my tummy and legs. I haven't been that sore in a long while. My legs were killing me today but after our side shuffling little monkey's, I felt so much better. Of course, at the end of class, I was sore and sweaty but it was such a GREAT feeling of accomplishment! I am really pushing myself so I can see results that I want. Feeling a good sore and having more energy are wonderful side effects.

I have soreness where?

In class today, we did throw downs. Normally I kinda just loaf and flake on these but with my new "I can do it" attitude, I put my all into it and wow, I noticed that some of my muscles around my c-section scar were really feeling everything and I wanted to cry, but in a good way. Positive tears! I am not used to feeling anything in that area when we work out but today those muscles were letting me know that they were there!

Stressing myself out

Yesterday was a bad day eating wise. As I started my mental shift towards losing weight vs just being active, my body and mind were clashing against each other. I felt guilty for eating food of ANY kind and guilty for NOT eating. I became so stressed out and angry that I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that nothing has changed in my rhythm other than I will be putting more effort into my workouts.

To scale or not to scale?

I have been debating between getting a scale to use on a regular basis. I hate scales. The thought of constantly being controlled by a set of numbers would just ruin my life. However, I was debating on maybe using it once a week or once a month to let myself see some kinda progress. More thoughts will be brought up on this subject as time goes on.

Good night and Summary

Overall, yesterday and today have been really good for me and my body. I am still struggling with my downward thoughts but I am loving the feeling of actually putting in hard work. Totally worth all the sweat and pain. This new style of blogging is really helping me out as well. Being able to get my feelings out in the open is really freeing. So I say good night to all my readers and am letting you all know that I welcome you to talk with me on facebook or in person about my blogs or anything I say in them.

A time for Change

1/26/16

Putting more effort into my workouts.

Good evening everyone! It has been forever since my last blog and I am okay with that but not at the same time. I really love putting my thoughts and workouts here and then I can take the time to look back on all I have done and accomplished in the EIGHT months I have been in the Mountain Mama class. Yes, you did read that correctly!! EIGHT months have come and gone and I am so happy with my dedication. 

As you might have noticed, I have restarted my days with this post. That is for a good reason, my goals have changed! I now have a clear goal and focus on what I want to happen to my body and this blog is a big venting post about what has been going on in my life and a little about my workout today.

Venting about my bad days: 

I have been having some really bad past few weeks and having to force myself to stick with it. Between money scares and my depression slowly creeping back, I have just been wanting to quit it all. I can't stand to look in the mirror or have pictures taken of me. I feel disgusting and fat. I feel like I have to be a certain way and look a certain way in order to love myself but damn it all, that is not true at all! 

I have been taking a few days to mope and be in a bad mood but I need to kick that to the curb. I am now really wanting to step it up. My original goal for this class was to just go with the flow, become more active and meet new mom's in the area. This was great and it worked well for me....until a few weeks ago when I had family pictures done and I can't even stand looking at them. I am bulging in places I don't want to be and I just hate my outfit choice. Not the fault of the photographer, that is all me. But it did make me realize that if I want to really make a difference then I need take control and make that change. 

Making a positive change:

I have been putting more effort into class, these past two meets and I realized how lazy and compliant I have become. I was so depressed when I realized how out of it I had let myself go!! I really pushed it today and I ended up feeling awful when I came home. Headache. pissy mood and just more hateful towards my body. I made sure to take a nap, eat healthy items, and drink a TON of water. I feel better now but I am hoping tomorrow will not be so hard on my body.

Now about that class today:

I had fun, even while sweating and dying, lol, but man, I just can't get into the relay style workouts. I feel better doing stations and having a certain goal number or a time. I can make sure to not worry about letting a partner down or competing with anyone but myself. I also find myself rushing just to get the workout done, with a higher chance of not wanting to do it again once I am finished. Other than that, class was full of plenty of things that made me sweat and feel all out of shape, lol

Plans for the future:

So on with my new goal plan! I am tired of my stomach being so large and flabby. I am so ready for it to just shrink away so I am going to be saving up to attend a gym on top of going to Mountain class. No, I will NOT be working out for 2 hours every day, that would just burn me out too fast but I am good with putting 3-4 days in at the gym. This way I can concentrate on getting different exposures with gym equipment and start lifting weights for building some muscle mass to help motivate an actual weight loss vs just getting moving, as I was originally doing. 

To wrap it all up:

So overall, my new goals are to apply myself more into class and start up at the local gym. I will actually make an effort to start loosing weight in my stomach and work on gaining a much more positive body attitude. I will face that mirror one day and actually LIKE what I see. 

Thank you all for taking the time to read my really long and emotional blog today, I guess I really needed to just vent some stuff out because I feel so much better now. I will keep you all updated on my progress and hopefully I will see some awesome changes!!